Guys, blogging has been hard the past week. I've been putting it on my schedule to do and think about all week and it just hasn't been coming together. There's a lot of ideas that I keep pulling together, from Thanksgiving to Halo: Reach to writing new stuff to job applications and hope.
But none of it has really come together.
I started this blog, back in the Wordpress days, to be a place where I could share my writer's journey. Then, just my journey (which happened to involve a lot of writing). Then, I used it as a sort of daily diary to keep up with my moods and what was happening in my head any given day. I spent months truly in love with this blog and what it did for me.
So what's happening to me now?
Oh boy, well this is where we get to have a fun, old school Stephanie rant.
So, let's talk about the word uncomfortable and trying to soften the blows for ableds and then only finding myself miserable because I tried to soften it and then only let other people undermine my needs. Y'know, the fun shit.
Anyway, so there's a certain movie that I've mentioned on here that I absolutely hate for its portrayal of mental health. Also, as a dumbass, I thought it would be chill to write a whole piece on the film. Yes, I made a grave error on my end.
So, there’s this guy in my life named Jasper.
And no, not my wonderful boyfriend I mention on here, though i definitely could do hundreds of appreciation posts on him.
No, this guy is a little bit smaller and a lot hairier. And yes, I know this bit is old but I couldn’t help myself.
Today, I wanted to talk about the love of my life, my goon-bug, my fluffy pumpkin, Jasper.
A little back story. Jasper is an all-black Italian Greyhound mix from California. He was found a stray but got picked up by a rescue group and brought to Washington state. Our theory is that someone let their full-breed, untouched Iggy out a little too much and they got pregnant. And then they let the babies go. Why? Because full bred Iggy’s are an expensive, popular breed and knowing this boy, he didn’t go anywhere without someone deliberately dropping him off.
My boyfriend and I have wanted a dog since college, but we were moving across state and the first place we found did not allow pets. We accepted that, but it didn’t stop us from looking.
Around March of 2018, I found this adorable little fluff on AdoptAPet named Jasper. He was at a local rescue and had the sweetest face. He has big, dark eyes and just looked so hopeful. There even was a video of him running, and he looked so overjoyed.
I loved him. He was my favorite dog I saw. But I never expected him to be available by the time we could get a dog, in June.
Months slowly roll by, and I was still looking. Every time I was shocked to see the little dark cuddle-ball was still up and open for adoption. I was floored. How could anyone look at his face and not want him?
Then it was June 7th, and our landlord approved us getting a pet. Even better, Jasper’s rescue had a meet and greet at our local Petsmart that Saturday. I emailed them if they could bring him; they said sure.
The second that boy walked through the door, I loved him. Obsessed with cheese and a little jumpy, he was so happy to lick our faces and decide that we were his. It was a whirlwind. Within half an hour, on June 9th, he was ours. And when we brought him home? He jumped onto the corner of our couch like it had always been his spot. He’s there right now, napping among all his favorite blankets.
I never knew I could love anyone like I love him. Yes, I love my boyfriend, but a caretaker role is so much different than loving someone like an equal partner. He is my baby and I love to see him doggy smile up at me. I’d do anything to make him happy.
And the best part is he’d do anything to make me happy, too. I’ve never met a dog so attuned with emotions. When people are sad or stressed out, he is desperate to get close and make them feel comfy and loved. He’s energetic and a morning dog, but days I feel horrible? He is happy to stay in bed with me and just keep me company.
People often question the aptitude of mentally ill people when it comes to caring for other living beings. But I think this kind of love helps make me more capable to do everything. Even on my worst days, I always make sure he is cared for. He is what gets me up when I’d rather fade into my bed. Loving him so much gave me that intrinsic motivation to be a little better, not anything else.
I’ve been fairly stable most of my time with my little handsome guy, so its not fair to say he saved my life. But he does improve my life in every way and makes me a better human, mental illness and all. I’m sure my eventual children will one day be the same.
So no one should dare tell me or anyone else what they’re capable of, not unless thy are a medical professional with specialties in my disorders. Otherwise, I’m the only one who can figure that out.
And I can thank Jasper for reminding me how capable I can be, even when I’m not okay.
Okay, so this a big change here. I am moving all my blog work over here, to my domain site for myself. That way, everything in together. Unfortunately, I don't know how to bring all the blog posts from Wordpress over here without wasting a bunch of my own time manually moving things.
So, without further ado, a fresh start on our weekly blogs! Now, everything will be posted on here.
Expect just as much analytics and sass, just with a fresh face. That's all I really have to say about that, so see you tomorrow!