October 21st: "Uncomfortable" Rant

Oh boy, well this is where we get to have a fun, old school Stephanie rant. 

So, let's talk about the word uncomfortable and trying to soften the blows for ableds and then only finding myself miserable because I tried to soften it and then only let other people undermine my needs. Y'know, the fun shit. 

Anyway, so there's a certain movie that I've mentioned on here that I absolutely hate for its portrayal of mental health. Also, as a dumbass, I thought it would be chill to write a whole piece on the film. Yes, I made a grave error on my end. 

But it only gets worse from there, when I have to explain why my script is an absolute mess with much lower quality than what I normally turn in. I very openly admitted that I have personal issues with the film that make me very goddamn comfortable and its my bad for accepting the script. 

Let's take a moment to say that I love the gigs that I have. They are all very nice people and, normally, I 100% appreciate them. The problems I'm ranting about are ones I'd probably have at any workplace in our current political climate. 


Anyway, back to the point. Me apologizing and stating my discomfort wasn't the end of it. I totally get why my editor was probably annoyed, because there was a lot wrong with my script. However, they got kinda snarky about how it's just about writing an objective comparison between a few things, not a huge, involved opinion piece. 

So, I guess calling it uncomfortable was too soft. Because when they said that, my rage response, internally, was, "well, dick, what I mean by uncomfortable is that I have softcore PTSD symptoms about picturing the film so my brain doesn't like thinking about it much since it was the most traumatic movie experience I've ever had." But I don't inherently blame my editor. I blame the fact that the system disregard discomfort so much. And, worse, that I am conditioned not to talk about my trauma because its uncomfortable for other people. 

I don't know what else to say except here's reason #3965 why I am so over how society treats disabilities and mental illness. 

But I guess that's our friendly Monday short rant. I wish I had something more long-form and prophetic, but I had a lot of work today and am just happy I got it done period. 

Here's to better blogs and better treatment, folks.