Blogger's Note: I posted this essay for the first time 3 years ago, but have decided to revamp and improve it

In the spirit of my love for edgy questioning, today we're talking about a book nearly holy in literary circles and I’ll just have to live with the consequences of that. And, truly, it’s less me wanting to be edgy and more I feel like this is a very important topic to talk about.
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As I’m sure you’ve gleaned from the title already, we’re truly going for it. Today, we’re going to question something that's been upsetting book fans ever since Go Set a Watchman by Harper Lee was published: Why did no one suspect that Atticus Finch was racist?

I FINALLY SAW KNIVES OUT, GUYS. 

It was glorious. I enjoyed it so dang much. That's it. That's the review. G'day, folks. 

I'm kidding. I'm really excited to be talking about movies and such again, even if this one probably won't have much exciting commentary. BUT i do have a few visual moments that I love and want to point out. Anyway, onwards we go!

(WARNING: Spoilers Ahead)

So let me take you back in time, on a theater stage under bright lights, practicing for a musical that I never mattered in. It was my sophomore year and I was trying so hard to be noticed in a space where the theater director really didn't care about kids that weren't her drama kids. And I was also an anxious, nuerodivergent choir girl with so many insecurity complexes. 

But that isn't the point here. 

The point is that just as I was standing there, trying way too hard for how little everyone else cared about me, when one of the musical's knights brought back his arm to pretend to brandish a sword and, instead, smashed my nose. 

And I don't mean that he just hit it. It started bleeding and this ridge that all my family has on their nose? Well, it was significantly smaller than before. 

Optimistic and super body dysmorphic, I was obsessed with the fact the stupid ridge on my nose was tiny now. My face now looked more like what I wanted I also refused to come to terms with the fact that yes, this guy broke my nose. 

He kept on apologizing and asking if i was hurt, but I just insisted "no, it's just like, dented".

That's not how noses work. And it came with unintended consequences.

There's something so ethereal and magical to me about Christmas. While it never was a religion thing, my mom created a winter wonderland in our house and always tried to make the experience the best one yet every time.
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We had three Christmas trees and a porcelain Christmas Village. There was a constant background hum of holiday music and so many cookies that you always felt full, but they were so good you kept on coming back for more. 

This is my first holiday with my own house and I'm ecstatic. I'm so ready to send Christmas cards and bake some of my mom's classic goodies and fill my own home with my particular brand of Christmas. And, instead of feeling overwhelmed, I feel like I'm blossoming. 

The last two days have been really weird for me, and pardon me if I get real deep and personal here, but I need to do it. 

So, Wednesdays I go to therapy. It's something I always do, and it helps me clean out the clutter in my brain. I was excited to go this week because I hadn't gone in two weeks and missed doing my tidying thing. But when I got there, I struggled to find things to talk about. For a long while I talked about being settled and satisfied with my writing and hopes for the future, and how things feel super stagnant and chill. I left feeling like I was in a good place, maybe, to start breaking things down and moving into new phases of my life. After all, I just moved into a house and got the office of my dreams. Sky's the limit, right?

But then yesterday happened. 

today I've been thinking about action movies. For me in particular, sci-fi action cause that's just my cup of tea. But i wanted to talk about some interesting things I noticed in action where disabilities and hero's journeys intersect. Let's get into that. 

​So, there's this fascinating phenomenon in action movies where a hero loses a limb whenever they're going through a huge transformation. That, or them having lost a limb in general means they went through one. 

It's a real double-edged sword, honestly. It's cool that there's this well-known disability inclusion situation in action movies. Downside, it's often not just apart of the person. It's some sort of symbol and then, later, it's something to "overcome" instead of part of their existence.

There's good examples and bad ones, so let's chat about good stuff today because I just watched like 8 hours of V Wars and I can't feel my brain much anymore, it sincerely is so dumb (maybe more on that tomorrow).

​ANYWAY. 

Guys, blogging has been hard the past week. I've been putting it on my schedule to do and think about all week and it just hasn't been coming together. There's a lot of ideas that I keep pulling together, from Thanksgiving to Halo: Reach to writing new stuff to job applications and hope. 

But none of it has really come together. 

I started this blog, back in  the Wordpress days, to be a place where I could share my writer's journey. Then, just my journey (which happened to involve a lot of writing). Then, I used it as a sort of daily diary to keep up with my moods and what was happening in my head any given day. I spent months truly in love with this blog and what it did for me. 

So what's happening to me now?