November 12th: Spectrum Sleeping
Disclaimer: Now, let's start this fun adventure by saying I am no psychologist. Any speculating I do here is just that: speculating. But, I wanted to have some fun with something I think might be related to Spectrum-ish brain activity. If not, it'll just be a fun piece. Enjoy!
Last night, deep in sleep, I was side by side with this handsome man, talking about our dreams for the future. We just survived some sort of horrific zombie apocalypse on our college campus and as world order was starting to fix itself, we had to figure out our future. And we were figuring out if it was together.
But just as this poor bugger started to say something romantic, my dream self looked him in the face, frowned, and said, "Wait, no, W's my boyfriend". And the dreamy son of a bitch disappeared into thin air.
There's a phenomenon I've discovered in my dreams that I've never heard of anywhere else: I'll call it reality invasion. It's basically where a dream can be as absurd and fantastical as it wants, but fairly often the real facts of my life will come to mind and I'll completely wreck the fantasy. The most common one is the example I mentioned. I'll have a random romantic partner for the dream, but somewhere during the adventure my brain will recognize that this person is not my boyfriend, W, and that's wrong. When this first started, I would literally cry in-dream, panicked about cheating on him. Yes, even though until that moment he didn't exist in that dream universe at all.
Nowadays I just kinda deep sigh and the person disappears.
But there are other things it can be applied to. For example, last night dream me told an old professor that I lived somewhere near my college campus. Then, the realism poked in and I corrected that I lived where I currently live. Another one could be that someone will treat me poorly or die in a dream, but then realism brain will pop in and say, "No, that's not like them" or "No, they're not dead".
It's real wacky and inconsistent.
I haven't noticed this phenomenon until the last few years. From childhood to college, I either had consistent nightmares or didn't sleep enough for dreaming. And now, it's just getting more and more prevalent. After all, the home address and boyfriend corrections both happened last night.
So, what I wonder is if anything has to do with being on the Spectrum. It may not, as stated I'm no behavioral analyst, but it curiously feels very much like I'm applying "literal" facts to a very nonsensical world. And that feels a bit like the very literal aspects of the Spectrum, right?
I have no clue if this means anything, or has any bearing on me as a person, but I do find it fascinating. After all, I've never heard of people "correcting" their dreams before. So many people get worked up about what the dreams mean, if they want to leave their husband, if they hate their lives. But I now have confirmation that they are just random ideas and fantasies my brain pulls together and my "real" brain knows what I have and what I want out of life.
While it doesn't really give any answers, it poses fascinating questions about our brains. Are our dream selves more capable of control than we think? What do nuerodivergent brains do there? Is the way we even fantasize inherently different? I could go on forever, but I'm the kind of gal who you probably should avoid rabbit holes with.
For now, I suppose I'll just keep exploding all my dream love interests because at the end of the day, even passed out me knows that boyfriend is my guy.
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