November 11th: Everything Moves Forward

After 12 days of silence, I am back and more ready than ever to get things going. 

We have a home. 

It's not perfect and definitely has some projects living in it, but it's still beautiful and ours. I have this gorgeous office with wonderful natural light and so many plants. No matter how much I've enjoyed time alone with house and my boys, getting back to work is riveting. I finally am writing again. It's going to be a slow long day, but just like the house, it's still mine. 

​But, the real question is, what now?

My time was spent so focused on this house that now the world beyond it feels so wide open. I could work towards being an author or a Twitch Streamer or making some videos or building up my resume or working on the house and so many more things. 

My dream is still to be an author, but I still have a whole life ahead of me to explore and learn and try so many creative things. And now I have a home base to figure out those things in and that's all I ever could have dreamed of. 

Some people think getting a home is settling down and stopping, but it feels like just the beginning for me. I have a place to feel comfortable and safe and now I can figure out everything and anything else. 

Living with boyfriend's parents was a financial gift and I don't think it was wrong or bad. It was a growing experience, even if it was hard at times. But now I have a place that makes me feel safe and fully myself. I grew up learning to mask myself to survive and pass as what people expected. It's not his parents fault I constantly felt like I had to hide around the house, but it didn't change the fact it happened. 

I want to learn how to be me in front of other people, but I'm just not there yet. The mask still holds strong. 

And now that I have my home, I can learn to break that and build so many other different things. 

I say mine just because this is my blog and it's easy, but there is an important point to make that it's not mine, it's ours. My boyfriend and I. And he has helped me make all these things possible and I love him. 

Here's to the rest of our lives, eh?