Okay, yes, the title sounds pretty dramatic. But I think it helps make the point.
While I've worked hard to be as inclusive as possible in my life (I figure I should do that much since I'm a disabled young woman with no money to donate and no license to volunteer) I do know I have trouble with ableist language. Not just because it is so common, but BECAUSE I used it to identify myself for so long.
And we explaining these is not like I want a pat on the back; I don't deserve one. Everyone should be getting better about this shit. But I was thinking maybe if someone heard it from a messy person who's trying, because I get sometimes going from using them to shifting your own language patterns can seem daunting.
So this is me changing things, fucking up, and still trying to be better.
If we start basics, my disordered ass was using psycho, crazy, spazzy, etc. for YEARS to describe myself. So it's been weird and difficult to phase out, but at the very least I've been using it towards me, not anyone else. I am very careful about that. I slip up every so often with my dog (he is VERY energetic at times) and feels like an extension of me, so that's my bad.
I feel very happy that I never was team use the r-word, but I have been a meek, weak little goblin about telling people to not use it. But I am excited to say that I've started telling friends not to use it, making it a banned word on my stream, and disengaging from any use of it. If people want to reclaim it, awesome. But I am not one of those people and I don't think it's my place to try.
But my biggest weakness, by far, is using the phrase: "am I blind?" and I'm not proud of it. It's laced to my absolutely terrible sense of direction, and the fact I get lost in real life and video games ALL THE TIME. And considering I play open world video games all the time, it facilitates a lot of "boy am I lost" moments. I've been trying to switch it out with classics like: "Am I even trying to be a living human?" which I guess corpses might not like, but we can have that conversation later.
I'm improving with time, though, and anyone else can, too.
Happy Monday, friends. Let's all be better.