Hello folks. If y'all are new to me, you might not know I stream. I keep things slightly separated, having a separate Instagram and Twitter for the channel and going under a name.
However, it's not like I'm trying very hard to hide my name. Hiding who I am isn't a thing I'm good at nor do I like.
But gist is, who I am online is something still forming. But i think I'm finally hitting an understanding of who that is. If I'm being honest, I knew before. I just was stubborn and was trying not to be pigeon-holed, but it's not pigeon-holing if it's who you are, right?
Anyway, what I mean to be saying is that I am a singer. I am a gamer. I am a storyteller. So role-playing game where I create a character with a story and I make my own goofy challenges and I sing fitting music to accompany the journey?
That's where I belong.
I don't need to be anyone else.
So, in other news, I am doing a Fallout 3 play-through and starting my Mass Effect adventure back up. I am singing angsty rock for the former, 80's jams for the latter. And that sounds right and fun. It's more who i am.
It's funny how easy it is for me to make mistakes and try being other people. It's almost like i was raised that way, to fit other people's ideas. And I fall back into it so quickly and with such ease that I don't even realize I'm doing it until it starts hurting and feeling really wrong. I do that with work, with life, with my goddamn hobbies. Streaming has absolutely nothing to do with my upbringing, but boy did I start trying to be a more typical streamer for a bit, playing Valorant and whatnot. Granted, i still like Valorant and will still play, but does it make it my thing? Is it the streaming that make me helplessly giggle and revved up by the end? Absolutely not.
I enjoy the stories. Nothing quite hits the same as Punchy Tits running around the wastelands with only her fists and baseball bats at her side, Strength and Agility at 10 but Intelligence at 1, hunting down her scientist father.
Like seriously, just from hearing about her what did he expect? For her to survive a day by herself in a Vault? Absolutely not.
I'm just rambling now, but even trying to be like people I like wasn't working. I love simmers and sim building, but trying to be myself during that? Not my forte. So while I find sims building relaxing, it isn't really what I'm good at entertaining with.
So back to weird characters and stupid self-challenges and adventure I go. and I'm pretty happy about that.
I should just be me everywhere else, too, shouldn't I? The goofy, nerdy, thoughtful kind, right?
Time for me to do something else, some showering and editing and writing then more editing and the whole gambit. But I think it's good to sit down and be like "fuck yeah, you distracted weirdo, just be you".
That felt more cathartic and comforting than should be legal.
Happy Friday, folks, and keep being yourselves, too.