January 1st, 2020: New Year, New Motto

Okay, the title is a little inherently deceptive here. My writer motto is still question everything and I doubt that will ever change. However, I do have a mantra/motto for the upcoming year! 

Sure, "new" is also a little deceptive considering I've never had a motto for my life, but still! It may be new, but it's also my first. Ever. 

Let's just focus on that exciting part about having order for my next year, okay?

And to kick off the year, how about we talk about that motto: Enhance and Enjoy.

Now, you might be wondering, "Wow, Stephanie, why does your 2020 motto sound like an ad for a new line of speakers?" Fair question. To give the context, we need to talk about 2019.

Holy balls did I accomplish a lot in 2019. I did a more formal self-publishing of Blue, I finished Red, I moved into my first home, I conquered a bad bout of depression, I gained more reputation and gigs from my field, and I tried out a bunch of things I always had an interest in (song covers, YouTube, social media activism, etc.)

But what also was a trend the entire year was me being overwhelmed by the awesome expansion in my life and trying to push further for more. By the end of the year, I was so spent that I was working on literal fumes trying to get the most bare minimum work done. That never is how I like to operate, but that's where I ended up. 

Changing so much in my life, I was trying so hard to push everything even further. Y'see, I never am one to just stop being productive and proactive just because I reached a goal or got something nice. Sure, it kinda diminishes my achievements at times, but it does also keep me trying harder and harder to be the person I want to be. 

Most years, that's fine. This year? Well, I just pushed too hard. 

So, I want to make 2020 different; different than ever before. Instead of looking forward to how I'm going to change my life, I want to spend a year just enhancing and enjoying it. No schemes to get out of the freelancer life, no crazy new projects, just enjoying what I have and making those things (and me) better. 

For example, I'll still apply to new gigs if good ones pop up, but I won't keep beating myself up for not ascending or whatever. I have three decent gigs right now and I'd love to enhance my situation by adding better paying, less quantity-over-quality ones, but accumulation and change isn't the goal. Improving my system is. 

Also, I want to learn to drive and play the keyboard. Driving is something that's always been on my radar to enhance my life, but I've been pushing it off for years. And I've always wanted to play piano, have a new skill in my pocket, but now I want to apply that love of music and plinking around on a keyboard (I learned the Chorus melody to Wonderwall yesterday and I am STOKED). 

Straight up, I also just need to enhance my life by remembering some self care things better. Like, say, go to the dentist. Ya girl has been putting that off for WAY too long. 

The final point, though, will probably be the hardest. No matter how much I love doing my disability stories, this year I want to take a break and just write for fun. And I mean super fun, just for me gooniness. Yes, I mean fanfiction. (Dragon Age, to be particular.) I love Blue and my other stories, but I focus so much on what I want other people to feel about them that I lose what I feel about them. I just need to spend some time reminding myself how much I love writing. Maybe even read a bit more, too. 

I just want to remember to cherish and love all the things in my life that make me happiest. My boyfriend, my dog, my writing, my house, and I want to make them better before I keep pushing forward like a crazed maniac. Now, will this be the end, will I just stagnate and accept this as my place? Absolutely not. I'm too productive and ambitious for that. But it does mean I take more time to value myself and make my own life and work better before trying to keep chugging forward to change the world. 

And I'm pretty okay with 2020 being that.